About Couple Counselling

Therapy for your relationship:
Relationships form the most important aspect of our lives; in all their different forms they are crucial to our sense of identity, belonging and self-esteem.  It is in our intimate adult relationships that we seek and often gain a profound sense of connection, but it is also here that we can feel most challenged.  The couple relationship can demand that we compromise, adapt, change and forgive; over time we may feel criticized, misunderstood and rejected.  It can become increasingly difficult to disentangle ourselves from a web of growing confusion and resentment.
 
We learn what it takes to be in a successful relationship only through experience.  We are not taught the skills of intimate relationship at school and although we might attend training courses and workshops to develop our skills in other aspects of our working and personal lives, we are rarely offered the opportunity to develop the skills which are crucial to nurturing an intimate relationship.
 
In past generations there were clearer rules and roles to guide couples and to limit choices; ‘putting up with’, ‘getting on with’, were frequently the solutions to disappointment and unhappiness.  Today, for many couples, these are no longer options. We expect much more from our partners and the relationship we create together.  A sense of failure and loss can leave us feeling that ending the relationship is the only way to move forward.
 
Finding a way forward:
All sorts of things create stress for long-term relationships; coping with young children or teenagers, life changes and transition, sexual difficulties, health and money worries to name but a few.  Sometimes, in working to maintain a sense of stability and in trying to manage day to day pressures, the needs of the ‘couple’ relationship are forgotten.  Disappointment and loneliness may be expressed through frequent bickering and arguments and communication may break down; work demands or an affair might provide a means of coping with or escaping the difficulties experienced.
 
As a relationship therapist, I take a positive view of relationship.  I believe that the recognition that things have gone wrong is the starting point for beginning to get things right.  Conflict is a sign that the needs of the couple relationship need to be addressed.  Counselling can provide a safe space, where partners can be helped to communicate more openly and where past hurts and disappointments can be acknowledged.  Couples can move on from restrictive and unhelpful patterns of behaviour as they learn to relate to and love each other in a way which sustains and allows the relationship to grow.